3 Responses to Falling in Love While Grieving – What Are the Issues?

1. Auntysocial says:

   March 4, 2018 at 5:28 am

   My mother in law lost her husband very suddenly when she was just 40yrs old and my husband and his brother 17 and 19yrs respectively. She met and began a relationship with my Father around 2yrs later going on to marry and remain happily with him until his death in 2012.

   I remember her telling me how when she first started seeing my Dad, quite a few of her relatives and “friends” went nuts and said it was disrespectful of her / “he’s barely cold and dead in the ground” and so on and so forth.

   An absolutely appalling thing to do and say but I later asked my husband – her son whose Dad he lost a week before his 18th – how he felt when she met and started seeing my Dad.

   “I was pleased for her and relieved because she wasn’t on her own anymore and I didn’t need to worry all the time. Honestly it never once upset me or made me think she’d forgotten my Dad or might be showing disrespect at all. She was 40yrs for God’s sake what did they want her to do and how long was she supposed to wait or grieve? Idiots. Nobody that has any sense or cares for someone else will begrudge them the opportunity to find love again”

   He was of course absolutely right and now that my Dad has also died and the poor woman has twice had to grieve the loss of a husband I find it even more incredible anyone would take issue. If she met and married again I would be genuinely happy for her. She won’t because (understandably) “I’m not doing that again… I am never losing someone and grieving like that again” but if she did I like to think she wouldn’t be worried about coming and telling us.

   *Yes by the way that’s right – my husband is also technically my Step-brother. He was away at Uni when Dad first met his Mum and we didn’t meet until they were due to marry and it was a bit “Oh… oh this is awkward” but several years later we did get together and are still happily married today

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   • Sue Rosenbloom, M.A., C.T. says:

     March 4, 2018 at 10:02 am

     Heartwarming advice. Like you, If I die before my beloved husband of 47 years I hope he will feel free to go on to pursue happiness and be fortunate enough to embrace love again. Shame on anyone who would deny him the most important ingredient to a quality of life. Thank you for sharing your interpersonal wisdom!

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     • Auntysocial says:

       March 4, 2018 at 10:41 am

       People are odd at the best of times but more so when it comes to grief, loss and bereavement. I’ve worked in health / social care almost 20yrs now predominantly with older people / dementia care and it still sometimes takes me aback to hear people say the things they say.

       Relatives and close friends and family I can almost / kind of understand feeling a certain way or saying certain things but to hear professionals making really unfair and unpleasant things really irks and sets me off 😦

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